The authority of parents in educating their children
MA. Duong Thi Linh – Faculty of Education, Vinh University.
Abstract: To have authority to children, parents must firstly are exemplary in life, work, and have good relations with everyone, and are people who are active in social activities.
Keywords: Children, repression authority, educating, in short, education
The authority of parents in educating their children is as important as the role of the law in a country to all the orders and disciplines of its society. Only when the law is strict and all citizens obey the law, then the country maintains good orders and disciplines, all moral values and culture are guaranteed. In the education of children, if parents do not have the authority, then the education will not cover its true meaning. The authority of parents to their children primarily stems from the interest of the family, and the happiness of children and parents. Many parents want to raise their children to become happy people and know how to care for their parents when they are old. However, this legitimate desire seems to be difficult to become a reality, sometimes they even sustain a lot of bitterness, compassion, resentment caused by their children. On the other hand, the authority of parents to their children also stems from their responsibility to the society. In education, the interests of families and social benefits are united, merged, and inseparable.
There could be two opposite types of authority, which lead to the opposite of educational products. Artificial authority type stems from the false opinion of education with the purpose of "train" the children to be obedient. In reality, educating children to be obedient is necessary to achieve the purpose of education. However, the obedience itself only acts as a means to form other personalities. If parents take obedience as their educational purpose, this would lead to a disastrous thing that the children must obey all the parents’ orders, including wrong and useless orders. The children always obey their parents, do all the orders and advices of the parents are in fact just the machines, only implement according to the pre-determined program, and gradually lose the the sense of initiative, independent, creative, and clever. These children are hard to become the Masters, just become dedicated executives, who easily to be dictated at best. Children are educated by Artificial authority may develop in a different direction but not better than the first direction.
From actual education, we can indicate the wrong types of authority as follows:
1. Repression authority
With the wrong feudal education opinion of "spare the rod and spoil the child", there are a lot of parents, especially in rural areas, scold and beat their children when they do wrong. There are parents who maltreat their children with corporal punishment to satisfy their anger. With such education, the child will not be better but this will result in opposite effect. Most maltreated children will tell lie, become stubborn and cruel... Learning from their parents, first of all, they will maltreat their siblings and weak people. The phenomena of spoiled children, engaging in free fights, becoming thieves ... all result from the fail education of the families. Master Nguyen Thanh Doan from Vietnam Association of Social Psychology says that: Authority of parents in the education of children is shown in various ways; sometimes they do not know they are using the wrong authority. What kinds of authority do we have? How to educate our children? There is the authority built based on "repression". Maybe parents themselves do not think they are maltreating their children, we often think it is authority. The parents can be grumble, angry, and ready to use rods anytime. And “punishment” is the first form parents think about to educate their children. Breaking bowls, spilling vases ... any mother will think of beating their children... So does the ferocity fear the children? According to Mr. Doan, these actions will result in the fact that the children are always in the mood of fear, some of them want to go away from their parents. Children will start forming the character of coward, easy to fear. When we scold children, they will think of telling lie to avoid being scolded; or will have the behavior as a "revenge" for their childhood. The psychologists suggest that parents should not use rods, or use as few as possible. Do not menace which will affect the children’s mental process. (Parenting Forum)
2. Bureaucratic and Imperative Authority.
There are parents often order their coldly, force them to do things without regard to their own life, the needs, interest, aspirations, strength, and the maturity of the children. In their eyes, the children seem to always be little and foolish, so the children should be forced to comply with any comments of parents, could not act against these imperatives.
3. Self conceited authority.
Some parents consider themselves to be better than others, knowing more than others and taking more important missions than others, so in front of their children they often disparage other people and show off their achievements. Such parents are often less interested in educating their children in the proper sense, and their children will be infected by their bragging and self conceited character. They are often vainglorious in the front of their friends and look down on others. Master Nguyen Thanh Doan from Vietnam Association of Social Psychology, in once talkshow about the authority of parents to their children, he stressed "Do not turn your child into a puppet or robot. Besides, do not teach children to think cockily, parents are always better than others, parents are “Navel of the World", because it will affect the thought and behavior of the children to people around. Our children will only see their parents the best: in the very young childhood, they are vainglorious, supercilious, and always brag, which will affect the later education". With such lifestyle, they will be difficult to get along with the collectives, friends and hard to have a complete personality.
4. Explaining authority.
Educating children is not necessary to have long explaining, sometimes it just need a few short sentences and a serious request. Many parents do not understand that children are children, they are not small adults and they have their own lives. Shared more about this issue, Assoc. Dr. Le Van Hao - Psychology Institute - Academy of Social Sciences, said: "Every child is different from others. Parents should take into account the differences in the personality of the child and also pay attention to the children make mistakes. Parents should be an example for the children by their concrete actions".
Children do not sit and listen to long speeches about morality. They often enjoy the fairy tales, myths and fables. Many parents have been exploring stories suitable for their children’s ages to educate in a gentle and effective way. The atmosphere in such families is often playful and optimistic. In contrast, the atmosphere in families with “garrulous” is often heavy and uncomfortable.
5. Authority with love.
Education must first be together with love and respecting people. But in education, love must have its limits. Usually, anything which is outrageous is not good. Many parents think that in order to make the children obey them, they have to make the children to love them, then the parents must love children in a special way. Many parents consider children as a "piece of gold", especially in infertility families. Therefore, they pamper their children, worry about their children all the time... They panic when the children slip or cut their fingers. They want to support the children in every step, although the children already have an independent basis. This type of authority will produce selfish, affected, deceitful... people, and the first victims are parents themselves.
6. Permissive Authority.
In this case the parents do not cuddle or caress children more than the reasonable level, but the children can have everything they want. This almost occurs in wealthy families, who make money quite easily. They did not anticipate that the children are educated in such way will become spoiled ones.
7. Authority by bribery.
It can be seen that this is the most protest against education type. Parents buy their children’s obedience by money and promises. We know that in reality, children education needs encouragement, incentive, rewards for good deeds and the children's progress, but absolutely do not buy their obedience. It is necessary to promote the strong points of the children and on that basis to overcome the defects of them.
In fact, there are parents who do not to think of any authority or principle, they teach children arbitrarily. Today they reprove, scold, even beat their children only because of a small mistake but tomorrow they love, fondle the children in an excessive way, then the nest day they buy their obedience with the promises ... More worsely, it is the situation of "Drum beats down, horns blowing backwards," Fathers used this authority, mothers use the other authority. Parents do not have the consistency in teaching children. This makes both of them to lose their prestige and disables the education. On the other hand, their children might become sly, dishonest people
In short, parents should have a strong sense of their authority - the right to be respected and obeyed by the children. In the book The Moral Child, psychologist William Damon said that parents teach their children to respect the teachings laying the foundation for the children's moral development in the future. In the book Take Back Your Kids, the family psychologist William Doherty, a Catholic, said that we shall face "a pandemic of not being able to teach children". Parents are not consistent, he said, that is not dare to express authority to teach children, deny scold children and let the children mistreat them. Therefore, the real authority, a true power can only be possessed when parents have to live happy, live very harmoniously, family atmosphere is always warm, cheerful, optimistic, people love, respect each others, have a sense of cooperation, with tidy , orderly, sanitary, scientific lifestyle, parents are active workers, live honestly and simply... then parents will gain supremacy.
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